“ So I have two choices: I live in constant fear that the next episode is just around the corner, waiting to attack; or live as if by doing the right things to keep myself well, the episodes will never come back again. And what if they don’t? I can’t picture it. I can’t imagine life without the thrills, the flights and the crashes, the constant chaos that has rules me, fascinated me, tormented me, since I was a child. I can’t imagine reining my mind, and my day-to-day pace. If I do, what will fill my days, what will inspire me, occupy my thoughts, drive my life, push me to go on? But I’m tired. The doctors offer me a paradox: tame the madness through surrender. Accept that it will be chained to me, pulling, always trying to get loose, for the rest of my life — but also know that if I respect the strength of the madness, I can live in some kind of peace. Only then will it, instead of me, tire out, and sleep.
Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher
