“ Soon they hypomania morphs into something dark. The eating disorder has taken hold for real. It’s no longer just a few symptoms I was using to try to control the moods. It’s taken on a life of its own. I am eating next to nothing, spending hours every day at the gym, standing on the scale four, five times a day, consumed with the fear of gaining weight, with the fear that the writing is going badly, with the fear that Jeff and I aren’t going to make it, with the fear that I will always be alone, or go crazy again, or spend my life in an institution. So I channel all the vague, amorphous, all-encompassing fears that have come to rule my days and nights into a fierce desire to lose weight. And more weight.
Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher
