“ But I do my best. I go home to my empty condo, buy some real food, and eat like a normal person. I pay the bills that have piled up, return the phone calls, get back to work. I write the lectures that I’m scheduled to give at a couple universities in February and March. It’s winter. Winter brings the blues. I’m afraid of them coming, and I know they will. My only hope is that I can get through the winter without going back to the hospital. If I can do this, then maybe I can stop hating myself. I think, if I just keep going, keep doing what they say, take the meds, go to sleep, use the light box, get out of the house, get some exercise, eat enough, try to avoid stress, then maybe I can do it. They don’t tell you how to manage grief. And I miss Jeff so much it’s killing me. But there’s nothing I can do about that now. All I can do is keep going forward. Maybe this way I can make it to April. Just this once.
Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher
